I care more than I’d like to admit. We’ve heard it 100 times, this is 101. Like a broken record I repeat, and repeat. My heart beats faster every time. Each beat more meaningful than the last. I can let go, but for some strange reason I would rather not. Our conversations are sometimes lost when others become involved or aware. I hope you don’t feel like this ever. Lost and lonely. Although I think we know you are feeling that, along with everyone else we know.

I’ve lost what I once called home. Almost everyone I have cared about here feels so far away, we’ve been through a lot together and all of us deal in different ways I guess. Sometimes you lose things along the way, like friends, faith, or in some of their cases, sight of everything you stood for. It’s frustrating. Another thing that is frustrating is the friends you make along the way to (for lack of a better word) recovery. Feeling like you can trust people and then realizing not long after that you are a little unsure of them. Accidentally leading yourself or someone you care about into a situation they never should have gotten into (yeah sometimes I put some blame on myself for some of these situations we’ve seen in recent months). Empty promises. Empty words that flow from empty bottles. Watching everyone you know lose touch with the world around them. Losing sleep over all of these people, especially you. Don’t take this to heart or think too much about it but I still have dreams like the ones I told you about a while back, the ones where I have to watch everything happen, good and bad in your life and I can never do anything about it. They are few and far between but still around.

One more thing, I know I’ve said this a lot lately, but thanks. You really have no idea how much just being around makes me feel better sometimes.